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A Brief History of Tymm

by Robin Tymm

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1.
A Brief History of Tymm 03:40
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I was born in September ‘66 A few short days since the Beatles last played live Then we skip through fifty years, and I find myself standing here Singing you this song about my life Not much must have happened in between I wrack my brains and always come up blank The were some triumphs and some disasters but no happy ever afters And ships that passed by in the night but they all sank I kept a diary but that didn't get me far 'Cause every entry says "stayed in and played guitar" These six strings became my friends and they'll stick by me ‘til the end Though I never made it as a rock and rolling star CHORUS I'm going to write me a short book about myself And print one copy that will sit up on my shelf There's one hundred empty pages 'cause I never could begin And I will call it "A Brief History of Tymm" Never had no children, never wed And as for love well you know it never raised its head I'd been waiting for that spark whilst sitting lonely in the dark So I took to writing sad, depressing songs instead I'd like to say I wasted time on women, wine and song But if truth be known two out of three of those are wrong Used to think that life could be improved by a glass of beer or a bottle of booze But I've got news for you, you can't do that for long REPEAT CHORUS I was born in September ‘66 Just a few short days since the Beatles last played live Although that's not strictly true 'cause they played that gig up on the roof In January 1969 REPEAT CHORUS I will call it "A Brief History of Tymm" © 2015 Robin Tymm 5th October 2015
2.
The Bird 03:32
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You want to show your displeasure Let 'em know that you're pissed I've got the ideal gesture A guarantee that they'll get the gist You could give 'em the V sign You can stick out your tongue But there is something that's designed To tell someone when they've done you wrong CHORUS You can flip 'em the bird Yeah, flip 'em the bird End up saying so much Without saying a word It's silent but deadly No, nothing is heard When you.... raise one middle finger And flip 'em the bird In other countries it entails Showing them the palm of your hand Or you flick a tooth with your thumbnail I'm sure the locals there will all understand But you'll find this interesting Yeah, it's a favourite of mine A subtle way of suggesting They can stick it where the sun doesn't shine REPEAT CHORUS In every culture, each nation There is something that is commonly known You'll find a gesticulation That means go try procreating alone REPEAT CHORUS When you.... raise one middle finger And flip 'em the bird © 2015 Robin Tymm 15th November 2015
3.
Fluffy Kittens 03:41
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I know that you want me to write you an uplifting song I know that you think I've been doing too sad for too long But all of this false positivity comes out all wrong Some of us were born with the blues There was a time when 'most every line that I'd written Was how life was so fine and the sun always shined just where I was sitting I'd drink up the wine and then work on a rhyme for fluffy kitten Yeah, right, some of us were born with the blues CHORUS We're born to think it We're born to sing it We're born to drink it 'Til we end up drowning in it I don't think that this is such a "Wonderful World" And I don't wish that they're all "California Girls" And as for "Happy", well you do know that it's just a word, don't you? Some of us were born with the blues INSTRUMENTAL REPEAT CHORUS Yeah, I think I could come up with some kind of tune on demand It'd be like "Summertime" crossed with "Walking In A Winter Wonderland" And it might hit your spot but it will not help you to understand…..me Some of us were born with the blues REPEAT CHORUS I know that you want me to write you an uplifting song I know that you think I've been doing too sad for too long But all of this false positivity comes out all wrong Some of us were born with the blues Yeah, some of us were born with the blues © 2015 Robin Tymm 3rd January 2015
4.
Dolphins 05:03
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I just blew out the fifty candles burning on my birthday cake Then closed my eyes to summon some desire I couldn't think of what I wanted so there's no wish that I could make Nothing floats my boat, nothing lights my fire There's folks who've made their list of things to do before they die The one I made consists of things I'm never gonna try CHORUS I don't wanna swim with dolphins or sky-dive from an aeroplane And bungee jump whitewater rafting's for the clinically insane Don't wanna walk the wall in China and you can keep your Taj Mahal I ain't no Everest mountain climber, that don't sound like fun at all But I still fill out my numbers in the lottery each time I say a little prayer and check them one by one Though I have not hit the jackpot yet but I ain't through with trying What would I do with all that money if I won? I have friends who've made their plans on how they'd spend that kind of dough If you ask me what I'd buy with it I'd tell you "I don't know" REPEAT CHORUS BRIDGE I don't wanna meet my heroes or get a selfie with the stars They might smile and sign your T-shirt but they don't care who you are I don't wanna play Augusta National, don't wanna meet the English Queen Don't wanna be the centre forward for my favourite football team You can run the bulls down at Pamplona, cruise the Nile past the pyramids Or drive a NASCAR at Daytona, stuff to tell to your grandkids Complete a twenty-six mile marathon if you’re not too old and fat And then you can learn a foreign language but what the hell’s the use of that Yeah, before you kick the bucket there's so much to do and see But I don't give a f**k it don't make you interesting to me REPEAT CHORUS I ain't no Everest mountain climber In fact it seems more fun to fall © 2016 Robin Tymm 27th November 2016
5.
Small Feet 03:30
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With his smile dialled to dazzle and his tan fixed to perma His biceps are bigger and his buttocks are firmer But I saw him in the shower and I hate to break the news Take a look down at his shoes CHORUS He’s got small feet, he’s got small feet It might mean in some departments he is somewhat incomplete Tiny and discreet, compact and petite I’m only saying your new boyfriend’s got small feet He likes to play the big man, show the world just what he’s worth He’ll whip out his bulging wallet, love that leather, feel the girth But what’s he keeping in his trousers, hid away from prying eyes If I were you I’d check out this guy’s sneaker size REPEAT CHORUS BRIDGE He’s got a full head of hair, he’s got a rapier wit You can’t have found that little part of him that always fails to fit I know I didn’t measure up in all the ways that he stands tall You could forgive him one shortcoming if it weren’t so very small INSTRUMENTAL He went to Harvard, then to med school and he’s always made the grade He’s got a useless piece of paper that he calls an M.B.A. But in one respect I think you’ll find he’s less than qualified Child-size footwear tells no lies REPEAT CHORUS CHORUS He’s got small feet, he’s got small feet It might mean in some departments he is somewhat incomplete Microscopic and effete It’s two veg without the meat I’m only saying your new boyfriend’s got small feet I’m only saying your new boyfriend’s got small feet I’m only saying your new boyfriend’s got small feet © 2013 Robin Tymm 1st April 2013
6.
Honesty 03:16
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It's best that I say nothing Try my hardest to pretend 'Cause my every truthful utterance Is likely to offend No, honesty's not something I can truly recommend Simply saying what you mean will mean That soon you'll have no friends If you're looking for some feedback I think I'll choose to bite my tongue But please don't push me for an answer 'Cause I can't stay like this for long There's no easy way to say it Things are bound to come out wrong I don't like you're singing or your playing And man, I really hate your song BRIDGE If you're wanting some advice today I'm not the one to call When I can't think of nothing nice to say I can't say nothing at all I should take a vow of silence Try abstinence instead It's just not wise to verbalise What's running through my head I don't claim to be objective I just say it like I see It's only like my opinion man Why'd'ya take it seriously? So now every thought I have is safely Under lock and key I made a deal, my lips are sealed You know, it didn't come from me REPEAT BRIDGE © 2014 Robin Tymm 23rd March 2014
7.
The Pessimist 04:42
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You complain I'm always pessimistic That I'll burst your hopeful bubble, break your spell I still claim I was being realistic When I said that we're all going to hell I don't believe each cloud's got a silver lining If there's even one up in the sky then it's bound to rain I wish you optimists would quit your whining You've had your pleasure but now it's time for pain CHORUS So sit back, relax, try looking on the downside Avoid those disappointments from now on Yeah, there's fun here to be had Expecting life to turn out bad It's not all doom and gloom if you assume that things will all go wrong I don't see the world through rosy-tinted lenses I don't count my chickens before they break the shell Perhaps it's just some kind of self defences To believe that this might not turn out so well I'm not known for my sunny disposition You can count that as a blessing or a curse But I am comfortable with my slight pessimism 'Cause what is good right now can always get a little worse REPEAT CHORUS You complain I'm always pessimistic That I'll burst your hopeful bubble, break your spell I still claim I was being realistic When I said that we're all going to hell When I said that we're all going to hell © 2016 Robin Tymm 9th December 2016
8.
Know-It-All 03:40
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My head is full of facts and figures on every subject you can name 'Cause I like to read encyclopedias, it stimulates my brain By means of demonstration you can ask me anything Why don't we start off with the dates of every English Queen and King I find the world is filled with information, yeah, really makes you think I can list the Periodic table from Aluminum to Zinc You'll always find me willing to help in every way I can From who discovered penicillin to the highest mountain in Japan CHORUS Yeah, I'm a know-it-all, I'm a know-it-all When you're looking for some answers to the questions great or small When you need to phone a friend then I'm the number you should call 'Cause I'm a know-it-all I can quote verbatim Shakespeare's sonnets and his famed soliloquies I've read the main romantic poets, can recite their words with ease And modern culture doesn't faze me, I'm up with all the latest news From Kurosawa to Scorsese, Dustin Hoffman to Tom Cruise REPEAT CHORUS BRIDGE I like sports and science and nature I’m entertained by history Whilst I love arts and literature I’d be lost without geography I'm a walking sporting almanac, I'm the statisticians friend I'm lightning fast with fascinating facts of who won what and when And if you're talking modern music I'm a geek, a nerd, a fan I'll tell you each and every number one since the hit parade began It's a workout for the mind that doesn't need a bat or ball You see a healthy love of trivia ain't trivial at all They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing and ignorance is bliss But I think stupid is the greatest sin that ever did exist REPEAT CHORUS Yeah, if you need to phone a friend then I'm the number you should call 'Cause I'm a know-it-all © 2016 Robin Tymm 17th September 2016
9.
Heart's Not In It 03:32
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When I got up here on stage I had the best of all intention I was going to entertain you with my wit and my invention But then everything went wrong soon after strumming my first chord I can't be bothered with this song, I'm getting kinda bored It all sounded just like junk to me, I wish I'd never started My playing was perfunctory, my rhymes were all half-hearted I can't explain this apathy, guess we've all got our curses If only I had picked a song….without so many verses CHORUS My heart's not in it anyway you spin it I knew from the start I was wrong to begin it I wanted it to end from the very first minute I can't pretend 'cause my heart's not in it We were lying there in bed and I was getting kinda frisky You'd had a glass of wine and I'd had way, way too much whiskey You pushed a couple of buttons, something was a-stirring The dog started howling, your cat began a-purring One thing led to another and I was south of the equator Underneath the covers then a coupla minutes later I thought it only fair we bring a halt to these proceedings My one desire's to share with you….the way I'm really feeling REPEAT CHORUS INSTRUMENTAL We were standing in the church well on our way to man and wife Just about to take the first steps on the journey of our lives Then from somewhere deep inside me a familiar voice was calling I couldn't say my lines, I think the priest thought I was stalling It should've been our wedding day, it would've been fantastic If I could summon up the energy and be enthusiastic But all I'd felt was lethargy when I tried to say those of vows It'll save you from divorcing me….eighteen months from now REPEAT CHORUS x2 © 2016 Robin Tymm 13th November 2016
10.
Anywhere But Here 03:44
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It’s wrong to call it a big mistake Or to say that it wasn’t great But by the time that the morning light breaks I’ll wish I was anywhere but here Last night I thought you looked extraordinary My choice of adjective don’t need to vary But you’ve changed from pretty to pretty damn scary And I wish I was anywhere but here CHORUS I bet you want me to hold you all night long When all I wanna do is drag my sorry ass home So I’ll lie here ‘til dawn, think of ways I could leave you If I could just extricate my arm from beneath you I can’t face a breakfast with nothing to say When the heat’s been replaced by the cold light of day You’ll offer more coffee, I’ll say I’m okay And I’ll wish I was anywhere but here INSTRUMENTAL Ev’ry move that I make makes the waterbed shake you I daren’t move an inch ‘cause I don’t want to wake you You might get ideas and insist I retake you Oh, I wish I was anywhere but here REPEAT CHORUS You’ll ask for my number, I’ll tell you a lie Then we’ll awkwardly fumble that last kiss goodbye Then you’ll misinterpret the tear in my eye I’ll be wishing I was anywhere but here And soon I will be anywhere but here © 2009 Robin Tymm 29th November 2009

about

A collection of vaguely humorous songs, mostly written over the last couple of years.
There are a couple of profanities amongst the lyrics - apologies if you're offended, but they make sense within the context of the song, and the personality of the "I" character.

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released July 22, 2017

Written, performed, programmed & produced by Robin Tymm

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Robin Tymm Ashbourne, UK

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