A Brief History of Tymm

by Robin Tymm

/
1.
2.
03:32
3.
4.
05:04
5.
03:30
6.
03:16
7.
8.
03:41
9.
10.

about

A collection of vaguely humorous songs, mostly written over the last couple of years.
There are a couple of profanities amongst the lyrics - apologies if you're offended, but they make sense within the context of the song, and the personality of the "I" character.

credits

released July 22, 2017

Written, performed, programmed & produced by Robin Tymm

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Robin Tymm Ashbourne, UK

contact / help

Contact Robin Tymm

Streaming and
Download help

Track Name: A Brief History of Tymm
I was born in September ‘66
A few short days since the Beatles last played live
Then we skip through fifty years, and I find myself standing here
Singing you this song about my life

Not much must have happened in between
I wrack my brains and always come up blank
The were some triumphs and some disasters but no happy ever afters
And ships that passed by in the night but they all sank

I kept a diary but that didn't get me far
'Cause every entry says "stayed in and played guitar"
These six strings became my friends and they'll stick by me ‘til the end
Though I never made it as a rock and rolling star

CHORUS
I'm going to write me a short book about myself
And print one copy that will sit up on my shelf
There's one hundred empty pages 'cause I never could begin
And I will call it "A Brief History of Tymm"

Never had no children, never wed
And as for love well you know it never raised its head
I'd been waiting for that spark whilst sitting lonely in the dark
So I took to writing sad, depressing songs instead

I'd like to say I wasted time on women, wine and song
But if truth be known two out of three of those are wrong
Used to think that life could be improved by a glass of beer or a bottle of booze
But I've got news for you, you can't do that for long

REPEAT CHORUS

I was born in September ‘66
Just a few short days since the Beatles last played live
Although that's not strictly true 'cause they played that gig up on the roof
In January 1969

REPEAT CHORUS
I will call it "A Brief History of Tymm"

© 2015 Robin Tymm
5th October 2015
Track Name: The Bird
You want to show your displeasure
Let 'em know that you're pissed
I've got the ideal gesture
A guarantee that they'll get the gist
You could give 'em the V sign
You can stick out your tongue
But there is something that's designed
To tell someone when they've done you wrong

CHORUS
You can flip 'em the bird
Yeah, flip 'em the bird
End up saying so much
Without saying a word
It's silent but deadly
No, nothing is heard
When you.... raise one middle finger
And flip 'em the bird

In other countries it entails
Showing them the palm of your hand
Or you flick a tooth with your thumbnail
I'm sure the locals there will all understand
But you'll find this interesting
Yeah, it's a favourite of mine
A subtle way of suggesting
They can stick it where the sun doesn't shine

REPEAT CHORUS

In every culture, each nation
There is something that is commonly known
You'll find a gesticulation
That means go try procreating alone

REPEAT CHORUS
When you.... raise one middle finger
And flip 'em the bird

© 2015 Robin Tymm
15th November 2015
Track Name: Fluffy Kittens
I know that you want me to write you an uplifting song
I know that you think I've been doing too sad for too long
But all of this false positivity comes out all wrong
Some of us were born with the blues

There was a time when 'most every line that I'd written
Was how life was so fine and the sun always shined just where I was sitting
I'd drink up the wine and then work on a rhyme for fluffy kitten
Yeah, right, some of us were born with the blues

CHORUS
We're born to think it
We're born to sing it
We're born to drink it
'Til we end up drowning in it

I don't think that this is such a "Wonderful World"
And I don't wish that they're all "California Girls"
And as for "Happy", well you do know that it's just a word, don't you?
Some of us were born with the blues

INSTRUMENTAL

REPEAT CHORUS

Yeah, I think I could come up with some kind of tune on demand
It'd be like "Summertime" crossed with "Walking In A Winter Wonderland"
And it might hit your spot but it will not help you to understand…..me
Some of us were born with the blues

REPEAT CHORUS

I know that you want me to write you an uplifting song
I know that you think I've been doing too sad for too long
But all of this false positivity comes out all wrong
Some of us were born with the blues
Yeah, some of us were born with the blues

© 2015 Robin Tymm
3rd January 2015
Track Name: Dolphins
I just blew out 50 candles burning on my birthday cake
Then closed my eyes to summon some desire
I couldn't think of what I wanted so there's no wish that I could make
Nothing floats my boat, nothing lights my fire
There's folks who've made their list of things to do before they die
The one I made consists of things I'm never gonna try

CHORUS
I don't wanna swim with dolphins or sky-dive from an aeroplane
And bungee jump whitewater rafting's for the clinically insane
Don't wanna walk the wall in China and you can keep your Taj Mahal
I ain't no Everest mountain climber, that don't sound like fun at all

But I still fill out my numbers in the lottery each time
I say a little prayer and check them one by one
Though I have not hit the jackpot yet but I ain't through with trying
What would I do with all that money if I won?
I have friends who've made their plans on how they'd spend that kind of dough
If you ask me what I'd buy with it I'd tell you "I don't know"

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE
I don't wanna meet my heroes or get a selfie with the stars
They might smile and sign your T-shirt but they don't care who you are
I don't wanna play Augusta National, don't wanna meet the English Queen
Don't wanna be the centre forward for my favourite football team

You can run the bulls down at Pamplona, cruise the Nile past the pyramids
Or drive a NASCAR at Daytona, stuff to tell to your grandkids
Complete a twenty-six mile marathon if you’re not too old and fat
And then you can learn a foreign language but what the hell’s the use of that
Yeah, before you kick the bucket there's so much to do and see
But I don't give a f**k it don't make you interesting to me

REPEAT CHORUS
I ain't no Everest mountain climber
In fact it seems more fun to fall

© 2016 Robin Tymm
27th November 2016
Track Name: Small Feet
With his smile dialled to dazzle and his tan fixed to perma
His biceps are bigger and his buttocks are firmer
But I saw him in the shower and I hate to break the news
Take a look down at his shoes

CHORUS
He’s got small feet, he’s got small feet
It might mean in some departments he is somewhat incomplete
Tiny and discreet, compact and petite
I’m only saying your new boyfriend’s got small feet

He likes to play the big man, show the world just what he’s worth
He’ll whip out his bulging wallet, love that leather, feel the girth
But what’s he keeping in his trousers, hid away from prying eyes
If I were you I’d check out this guy’s sneaker size

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE
He’s got a full head of hair, he’s got a rapier wit
You can’t have found that little part of him that always fails to fit
I know I didn’t measure up in all the ways that he stands tall
You could forgive him one shortcoming if it weren’t so very small

INSTRUMENTAL

He went to Harvard, then to med school and he’s always made the grade
He’s got a useless piece of paper that he calls an M.B.A.
But in one respect I think you’ll find he’s less than qualified
Child-size footwear tells no lies

REPEAT CHORUS

CHORUS
He’s got small feet, he’s got small feet
It might mean in some departments he is somewhat incomplete
Microscopic and effete
It’s two veg without the meat
I’m only saying your new boyfriend’s got small feet
I’m only saying your new boyfriend’s got small feet
I’m only saying your new boyfriend’s got small feet

© 2013 Robin Tymm
1st April 2013
Track Name: Honesty
It's best that I say nothing
Try my hardest to pretend
'Cause my every truthful utterance
Is likely to offend
No, honesty's not something I can truly recommend
Simply saying what you mean will mean
That soon you'll have no friends

If you're looking for some feedback
I think I'll choose to bite my tongue
But please don't push me for an answer
'Cause I can't stay like this for long
There's no easy way to say it
Things are bound to come out wrong
I don't like you're singing or your playing
And man, I really hate your song

BRIDGE
If you're wanting some advice today
I'm not the one to call
When I can't think of nothing nice to say
I can't say nothing at all
I should take a vow of silence
Try abstinence instead
It's just not wise to verbalise
What's running through my head

I don't claim to be objective
I just say it like I see
It's only like my opinion man
Why'd'ya take it seriously?
So now every thought I have is safely
Under lock and key
I made a deal, my lips are sealed
You know, it didn't come from me

REPEAT BRIDGE

© 2014 Robin Tymm
23rd March 2014
Track Name: The Pessimist
You complain I'm always pessimistic
That I'll burst your hopeful bubble, break your spell
I still claim I was being realistic
When I said that we're all going to hell

I don't believe each cloud's got a silver lining
If there's even one up in the sky then it's bound to rain
I wish you optimists would quit your whining
You've had your pleasure but now it's time for pain

CHORUS
So sit back, relax, try looking on the downside
Avoid those disappointments from now on
Yeah, there's fun here to be had
Expecting life to turn out bad
It's not all doom and gloom if you assume that things will all go wrong

I don't see the world through rosy-tinted lenses
I don't count my chickens before they break the shell
Perhaps it's just some kind of self defences
To believe that this might not turn out so well

I'm not known for my sunny disposition
You can count that as a blessing or a curse
But I am comfortable with my slight pessimism
'Cause what is good right now can always get a little worse

REPEAT CHORUS

You complain I'm always pessimistic
That I'll burst your hopeful bubble, break your spell
I still claim I was being realistic
When I said that we're all going to hell
When I said that we're all going to hell

© 2016 Robin Tymm
9th December 2016
Track Name: Know-It-All
My head is full of facts and figures on every subject you can name
'Cause I like to read encyclopedias, it stimulates my brain
By means of demonstration you can ask me anything
Why don't we start off with the dates of every English Queen and King

I find the world is filled with information, yeah, really makes you think
I can list the Periodic table from Aluminum to Zinc
You'll always find me willing to help in every way I can
From who discovered penicillin to the highest mountain in Japan

CHORUS
Yeah, I'm a know-it-all, I'm a know-it-all
When you're looking for some answers to the questions great or small
When you need to phone a friend then I'm the number you should call
'Cause I'm a know-it-all

I can quote verbatim Shakespeare's sonnets and his famed soliloquies
I've read the main romantic poets, can recite their words with ease
And modern culture doesn't faze me, I'm up with all the latest news
From Kurosawa to Scorsese, Dustin Hoffman to Tom Cruise

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE
I like sports and science and nature
I’m entertained by history
Whilst I love arts and literature
I’d be lost without geography

I'm a walking sporting almanac, I'm the statisticians friend
I'm lightning fast with fascinating facts of who won what and when
And if you're talking modern music I'm a geek, a nerd, a fan
I'll tell you each and every number one since the hit parade began

It's a workout for the mind that doesn't need a bat or ball
You see a healthy love of trivia ain't trivial at all
They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing and ignorance is bliss
But I think stupid is the greatest sin that ever did exist

REPEAT CHORUS
Yeah, if you need to phone a friend then I'm the number you should call
'Cause I'm a know-it-all

© 2016 Robin Tymm
17th September 2016
Track Name: Heart's Not In It
When I got up here on stage I had the best of all intention
I was going to entertain you with my wit and my invention
But then everything went wrong soon after strumming my first chord
I can't be bothered with this song, I'm getting kinda bored
It all sounded just like junk to me, I wish I'd never started
My playing was perfunctory, my rhymes were all half-hearted
I can't explain this apathy, guess we've all got our curses
If only I had picked a song….without so many verses

CHORUS
My heart's not in it anyway you spin it
I knew from the start I was wrong to begin it
I wanted it to end from the very first minute
I can't pretend 'cause my heart's not in it

We were lying there in bed and I was getting kinda frisky
You'd had a glass of wine and I'd had way, way too much whiskey
You pushed a couple of buttons, something was a-stirring
The dog started howling, your cat began a-purring
One thing led to another and I was south of the equator
Underneath the covers then a coupla minutes later
I thought it only fair we bring a halt to these proceedings
My one desire's to share with you….the way I'm really feeling

REPEAT CHORUS

INSTRUMENTAL

We were standing in the church well on our way to man and wife
Just about to take the first steps on the journey of our lives
Then from somewhere deep inside me a familiar voice was calling
I couldn't say my lines, I think the priest thought I was stalling
It should've been our wedding day, it would've been fantastic
If I could summon up the energy and be enthusiastic
But all I'd felt was lethargy when I tried to say those of vows
It'll save you from divorcing me….eighteen months from now

REPEAT CHORUS x2

© 2016 Robin Tymm
13th November 2016
Track Name: Anywhere But Here
It’s wrong to call it a big mistake
Or to say that it wasn’t great
But by the time that the morning light breaks
I’ll wish I was anywhere but here

Last night I thought you looked extraordinary
My choice of adjective don’t need to vary
But you’ve changed from pretty to pretty damn scary
And I wish I was anywhere but here

CHORUS
I bet you want me to hold you all night long
When all I wanna do is drag my sorry ass home
So I’ll lie here ‘til dawn, think of ways I could leave you
If I could just extricate my arm from beneath you

I can’t face a breakfast with nothing to say
When the heat’s been replaced by the cold light of day
You’ll offer more coffee, I’ll say I’m okay
And I’ll wish I was anywhere but here

INSTRUMENTAL

Ev’ry move that I make makes the waterbed shake you
I daren’t move an inch ‘cause I don’t want to wake you
You might get ideas and insist I retake you
Oh, I wish I was anywhere but here

REPEAT CHORUS

You’ll ask for my number, I’ll tell you a lie
Then we’ll awkwardly fumble that last kiss goodbye
Then you’ll misinterpret the tear in my eye
I’ll be wishing I was anywhere but here
And soon I will be anywhere but here

© 2009 Robin Tymm
29th November 2009